Therapy Sucks! Love, The Unexpected Therapist

A Blog

 Throughout the beginning of time and to this very day when I go to search for a therapist I absolutely can not find one that I feel I will vibe with.

I can spend hours, days and what feels like dang lifetimes trying to find someone who I feel like will “get me” and who won’t make me fall asleep.

Someone who seems open-minded, fun, funny, not judgey and has livvvvved honey.

Not someone who seems like they are stuffy and playing it safe- playing the part of a boring therapist that we see portrayed all over media. SNOOZE.

When I’m looking for a therapist I swear I feel like I’m seeing the same exact person and words over and over and over whilst trying to stay awake- I can’t help but start to think, therapy sucks! Therapists suck!

Where are the fun-times lookin’ and soundin’ therapists DANG! I won’t be able to open up to any of these robots, so I certainly won’t be able to do any good work on myself with them.

DANG IT! I’m a therapist so for me to start to think that, even if for a fleeting hot minute- that  isn’t a good sign folks.

Research tells us the most important indicator of how successful therapy will be depends on our relationship with our therapist – so choosing a therapist that fits with us as a unique individual is key.

Therefore in this particular type of shopping- which can be life changing- I am not going flimsy Forever 21 I am investing in top notch, which is who will fit ME and MY personality best- bottom line.

Because if I’m going to therapy I’m going to do some hard work and I need to make changes, changes that will impact my life now and in the future for the better- and that shiz ain’t easy-  so I best be choosing someone who I know FITS ME-my kinda sassy, jokester, unconventional human ways- otherwise what’s the dang point?

Even as a therapist when I think of therapy and therapists I can’t help but think of the images society and the media have engrained in my brain of the boring-azz, basic-azz therapist sitting there nodding at me and asking me, “And how does that make you feel?” and constantly agreeing with me to the point of nausea

or Just. Straight. Not. Getting. Me. The Therapist Robot if you will.

Just hearing the word “therapy” and “therapist” can make some people feel some kind of negative way.

Sometimes I don’t even want to tell people I’m a therapist because of all that simply saying those words can conjure up for people. Never-ending negative stereotypes we have engrained in our brains.

If I had a dime for every time I tell people I am a therapist and got a shook reaction – I would be a very rich person. Based on my appearance alone people seem to think it is quite shocking that I am a therapist.

Most of the time it is met with some follow-up questions because people just can’t seem to get their heads around the idea that I am a psychotherapist.

Then to hear the field people tend to think I am in really gives an idea of where people’s heads are at when it comes to their idea of what a therapist “should” look like and what therapy “must” be like.

And let me tell you, they don’t think a therapist looks anything like me and they often have some bad taste in their mouth about what they think therapy is.

Yes in this day and age, there is still such a pervasive stigma around therapy and therapists-seems pretty much the same as when I started out as a therapist long ago.

It sometimes feels like quite a large portion of society has made up their mind about therapy and they’ve decided that “Therapy Sucks!” and is for a certain kind of person that is not them and that therapists are all a certain kind of way that also is not for them.

And honestly I really do get it, because I can’t escape thinking that myself sometimes because of these internalized stereotypes!

We have been kinda brainwashed with these stigmas.

I come from a family and background in which I have no idea when I even learned what therapy was and whatever I heard or picked up into my brain here and there along the way wasn’t positive folks!

So even as a therapist present day I am still fighting my brain to try and shush the negative internalized stereotypes and I’m always out here searching for a therapist I feel is up MY alley and a fit for me- someone who is not so traditional.

I became the therapist that I could never find.

The struggle is real at times when we just want to live freely and authentically and not have to worry about potential consequences for just being our true selves despite our fickle, judgey, ever-changing societal constructs.

 I can’t even remember when I decided to become a therapist but it certainly wasn’t when I was a youngster, it wasn’t even while I was in undergrad college.

It was at some point when I was in one of my two graduate psych degree programs (ps that’s not a not-so- subtle flex I am just obsessed with learning and to this day take a sickening amount of continuing education courses).

 It took me so long to decide I wanted to be a therapist because therapy and therapists were not only such a foreign idea to me but also because I definitely was thinking what a lot of people appear to think when I tell them I’m a therapist. That I don’t “look like” or “seem like” a therapist.

But but -  I have had all these “wild” colors of hair my whole life and like to wear vibrant, colorful, “fun” clothing styles and have had all these piercings and tattoos- GASP.

But but- I love to have fun and joke around and live life- GASP. But but- I don’t want to constantly ask people the ol’ “And how does that make you feel” and agree with them until I barf- DOUBLE GASP, clutch the pearls!!!

But but- I kinda hate therapist-ese aka how therapists seem to always talk. GASP! The horror!

Would I need to change who I am in order to be a therapist and to fit into all these boxes and be accepted as a therapist ??? Um, f that.

One day I realized that just like everything else in life-  I DON’T HAVE TO FIT INTO THESE TINY FRIGGIN BOXES OF WHAT A THERAPIST “SHOULD BE” THAT’S HOT GARBAGE!!!

And then some other day way later I also realized that if I can’t, AS A THERAPIST MYSELF- find a therapist that I think I will vibe with and be a best fit FOR ME- that there’s gotta be humans just like me out there looking for that therapist too- so I BECAME THE THERAPIST THAT I CAN NEVER FIND.

So here I am folks – I may not appear to be the stereotypical boring-azz therapist but I hope that when I do tell people I’m a therapist that I am helping to break down all these ridiculous stigmas about therapists and therapy.

I don’t look or act the way we might assume a therapist does all the time – but that’s a good thing in my book (and in the books of psychological theories and research- BAM!).

 I remember in grad school all the top of the class judgeys would always ask me what I got on my exams and papers seemingly in hopes that I hadn’t done well or not as well as they did (one of my grad schools was extremely cookie cutter and the judgey richies in the top of the class all kinda looked and acted the same and appeared to think if you weren’t trying to fit in that particular mold you MUST not be doing well).

 I am not gonna lie folks- it gave me GREAT joy to report my exam and paper scores to them because I was always tip top of my classes and crushing it and did better than them- HAHAHA take that judgeys – #kidding/not kidding.

Yes a person that might seem “out there” and a bit more of a non-conformist can ALSO be super into learning and growing and consuming ALL the classes and info. Yes a person that isn’t trying to squeeze into all of society’s fickle boxes can ALSO be an amazing therapist.  

And Yes, it is so very important that when choosing a therapist you choose someone who you feel like will be YOUR vibe (and that doesn’t mean it has to be me of course. I’m not for everyone and everyone’s not for me!) - this is the most important factor in therapy- as all the research has and continues to tell us.

It makes sense because when we go into therapy we need to feel safe to be our deepest down truest and most authentic selves ever ever – we need to feel like whatever we say we will not be judged in the room or after. We need to feel like nothing is “wrong” with anything that we are saying and it is all “normal”.

 I have found throughout all my time as a therapist that I work best with people who are also more unconventional- that’s my peeps.

 I find that I am able to express in many ways that I am here to see YOU- the real authentic you deep down inside. Exactly who you are, exactly how you are.

I have found that regardless of what my clients come in to see me about that ultimately we often find there are struggles going on with their identity that maybe they didn’t fully consciously realize quite yet (or maybe they did) and that they are wanting to really truly live as their authentic selves and that struggles can arise because of this because-life!

If we get all therapy-ish for a hot second take it back to ol’ Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. It’s really a tale as old as time that we as humans will all struggle at some point or points to meet all of our basic human needs and then start to work on those real-real key higher level struggles like being truly fulfilled and happy living as our underneath it all – underneath all the chatter of society brainwashing us- to live as we really truly are under there and in the way that will make us happiest of all happy and fulfilled in this one life we have to live. Yolo? I know that’s not really a thing anymore but c’mon it is true!

We only live once and hopefully we will all live up to our highest potential and fully and happily as we can because that’s what life as a human is all about.

This is not a simple thing it’s that real- real every day kinda struggle. The struggle is real folks.  But in a very not-meant-to-be-super-markety way, that’s why I’m here folks. I have multiple psych degrees and I very intentionally had all kinds of therapy jobs in this lifetime before deciding on private practice.

 I knew a lot of people that went straight into private work after graduating, but for me it was important that I would learn all the things and work all the kinds of therapy jobs with all the kinds of people. In doing that it has helped me become a better therapist and has helped me to learn what I specialize in, what and who I love to work with the most-est!

 It’s true that as a therapist I have seen all the people, worked with all the diagnoses and we could all potentially be a “generalist” therapist and see every and anyone with a little bit of knowledge about all the things.

But for me personally I want to do my best work with the people I love working with the most in the area I strive to know the most about. I can confidently say who I work best with and who loves working with me the most-est too.

If you are shopping for a therapist and sick of seeing seemingly the same person over and over and over zzzz and think I might fit the bill- check out my homemade shitty website I created myself (I.T. person, I am NOT) 😊 TheUnexpectedTherapist.com

Love,

The Unexpected Therapist- Not Yer Mama’s Therapist. For all you unconventional types out there livin’ in this society that pushes and rewards “norms” and fitting into teeeeeny tiny boxes that ya don’t fit into*Gasp, Pearl Clutch*   ;)